Conifers, Elephants and 'the Spirit of Christmas'
by Brainiac5
Summary: While most of the legion is all for celebrating christmas, one of them isn't quite so interested. Will Brainy learn the real meaning of christmas? a last-minute contest entry for greenie...


**Conifers, White Elephants and the 'Spirit of Christmas'**

"Contrary to your assertion, I do not lack 'the Christmas spirit'," I said. My arms were folded and I had scrunched one of my eyebrows downward in what I hoped was a half-irritated facial expression. Shaking my head at Lightning Lad, I wondered if he was trying to annoy me, or just being his typical bothersome self. "I simply do not understand how such an… idiosyncratic tradition ever managed to endure over the centuries," I clarified.

"Come on, Brainy! It'll be fun!" Saturn Girl coaxed.

To my knowledge, I had never said it _wouldn't_ be 'fun'. Simply that the activity sounded…interesting. At which point Lightning Lad had accused me of being 'boring', and demanded to know where my 'Christmas spirit' was hiding. "As fun as the dead conifer?" I asked Saturn girl after a moment. I gestured at the tree that stood in the corner of the lounge. "It's dropping brown needles all over the floor."

Apparently Imra recognized my sarcasm, because she sighed. "Brainy, I know chopping down a tree and sticking it in legion HQ sounds crazy, but…"

"Whoa! The tree looks _great_, guys!" Clark Kent grinned at the three of us; Garth, Imra and myself. He did a double-take when his gaze reached the floor. "You guys didn't shake it before bringing it in?"

"Apparently not," I said, eyeing the needles with distaste.

Needles crunched as Superman walked past the tree, and his cape caught on a branch, knocking off an 'ornament'. It crashed to the floor and broke. I sighed. Not again… "I'll clean that up," I said.

"No, no, I will," Clark insisted, flying off.

Lightning Lad cleared his throat. "So, about this white elephant thing…"

I sincerely hoped this 'white elephant' activity didn't literally involve a white elephant. Then again, I had not realized that the 'Christmas tree' would involve an actual, once-attached-to-its-roots conifer. Apparently it was more 'traditional' this way. Traditional? For whom? There is no Christmas on _my_ planet. In fact, the entire holiday was only taking place in Legion HQ because Superman had suggested the celebration. I sighed. Maybe lightning Lad was right. Maybe I _didn't_ have the Christmas Spirit.

"…And so it's a gift exchange with a twist," Lightning Lad concluded. "Oh, wait, I forgot about the stealing rule. You can steal instead of picking a present, but something can only be stolen once, and then whoever had their gift stolen gets to pick a _new_ gift," Lightning Lad said. "Get it?"

"Yes," I said absently.

"So we can do it?" he pressed.

"Why are you asking _me?_" I asked.

"Well, if I get _your_ support, then other people will think it's all right," Lightning Lad said.

I shrugged.

"Do you want to do it?" Lightning Lad pressed.

I didn't, but I wasn't up to explaining the reason for my 'Christmas spirit' deficiency, so I agreed. "Yes."

As Garth clapped me on the back and then began musing over what his 'white elephant' would be, I mused on whether or not I could avoid them. I left the lounge in short order, and headed for my lab. Absently I wondered if I would be able to avoid the nightly festivities. Then again, I had told Lightning Lad I would do this 'white elephant' gift exchange… and I was sure he would not allow me to… how would he put it… 'hide out in that lab' until my 'brain falls out'. Never mind that my brain _wouldn't_ fall out; regardless of the fact that I wasn't _hiding_, per say.

So that left one other option-- locate and wrap a 'white elephant' gift, and try and slip away from the party as soon as possible. I spent most of the afternoon using all of my twelfth-level intellect to try and think of a gift that was absurd and perhaps even humorous. Eventually I went out and wandered new Metropolis for awhile-- I ran into Phantom Girl and Timber Wolf (to borrow the colloquialism)-- and eventually found something for this white 'elephant gift' exchange.

Then I went back to Legion HQ and worked with COMPUTO for awhile; updating a few security protocols and fixing up the last of the workstations destroyed by "the villain of the week". Then, all too soon, Lightning Lad was pounding on the door and demanding that I come up and join the party.

Admittedly, Timber Wolf's cookies were not bad, and the 'egg nog' was tolerable. Then, the dreaded 'party games' began. Lightning Lad tried to instigate 'spin the bottle', but that suggestion was not well received. Eventually the group settled on 'charades', and I did my best to remain inconspicuous.

I continued to remain discreet through a rousing game of 'dictionary', a round of 'signs', and finally, it was time for the white elephant gift exchange. Lightning Lad announced that he would pass around a bowl with numbers-- whoever got the number one would go first. In a loud voice, Garth explained how the game would go-- number one would stay until the end and get a chance to steal any gift, everyone else was stuck with whatever they got. I hoped to get an early number-- then maybe, if I hung back enough, I could leave without anyone noticing.

Lightning Lad passed the bowl to Saturn girl, who passed it to Phantom Girl, and so it continued until the bowl reached me. I plucked a folded slip of paper from the bowl and passed it on. When I opened the paper, what little 'spirit' I had deserted me. A one was written on the paper; scorning my effort to escape the festivities. I would be bound to stay in the room until the very last 'white elephant' had been opened.

"Who has one?" Lightning Lad called excitedly.

I sighed and stood. "I do," I said.

"Great! Open a present-- one that isn't yours," he amended.

I wouldn't have wanted my present anyway; I doubted I would want anyone's. But it seemed I had no choice. I eyed the presents, trying to decide which would be most promising. Or at least not some horrible prank gift. One could never tell… Finally I decided on a small, square package with a bow on top. I opened it slowly and pulled out…

A miniature computer. Extremely inexpensive with the barest of functions. It wasn't completely useless-- one could compute all manner of mathematical equations-- assuming you _didn't_ have twelfth level intellect. My mathematical equations require supercomputers-- and so, this was, for me, the epitome of a 'white elephant'.

I sat and watched with detached interest as present after present was opened. There were odd presents, the occasional prank gift, and a large assortment of 'funny' presents. Then Superman's turn came, and he picked up _my_ gift. I wasn't sure what the others would think of it-- but it was all I could come up with on short notice.

Clark carefully unwrapped and then pulled open the box enclosing my white elephant. "Aww!" he exclaimed, pulling it out of the box, "It's a fuzzy-wuzzy white elephant!"

"I want that!" Phantom Girl complained. "It's way cooler than this!" she held up a bottle of cheap perfume with a piece of paper taped like a speech bubble beside a man who posed dramatically. The speech bubble read, "I am the handsome and good smelling Garth Ranzz!" (And the gift was, of course, from the aforementioned.)

As Lightning Lad began asking who had brought the 'cutsey' white elephant, and I turned back to the miniature computer which I had been fiddling with for the past half-hour.

Eventually the gift exchange was over and the room began to empty. I retreated to my lab, but before I could fully alter the miniature computer into something useful, someone knocked on the door. I opened it and Superman shuffled uncomfortably. "You… didn't seem very happy tonight," he said quietly.

I shrugged.

Clark sighed, running a hand through his hair. "was something wrong? Didn't you like… Christmas?"

"There's no point," I said.

"What?" Clark asked, blinking in confusion.

"There's no point," I repeated. "You kill a tree and stick it in your room so it can dry out and die. Then you decorate it with lights -- especially hazardous if the tree is too dry -- then you bake all sorts of sweets and exchange presents with friends. Still, you could do this any time of year. What makes this particular day so special?"

Clark shook his head slowly. "Brainy… Christmas isn't a tree, it isn't the food or even the presents that makes this day special. It… it's a time to let friends and family know they're important to you. It's a time when you can be with friends. You have fun, and give gifts because you _love_ people-- and you want them to know they're special. Christmas is a time of goodwill, and we remember all the good things that we have in our friends and family."

Well. _This_ was news. Did I mention that Christmas isn't celebrated on Colu? I thought so. Still, I decided that if this was what Christmas was really about, maybe it wasn't so pointless after all.

Suddenly, Clark started laughing.

"What?" I asked.

"Your face," he said. "it… it reminded me of this old Christmas story-- how the grinch stole Christmas."

"But you just said that Christmas is a time to be with friend and family and be loving and kind and let them know they're special and you care about them," I protested. "You can't steal that."

"Did your heart just grow three sizes too big?" Clark cackled.

"What? Superman, that makes no sense--" I frowned.

"Christmas doesn't come in boxes or bows," he said. "It's something deeper than that. In here," he tapped his chest. "Get it?"

I nodded slowly, a smile spreading across my face. "Yes, I believe I do."

Clark grinned. "Great. Merry Christmas, Brainy!"

I smiled back, moving to close the door. "Merry Christmas," I replied.

* * *

A/N: Aww, there it is. A oneshot-- and in one night no less! yaaay! Hope you guys liked it!


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